Last week, I visited Fox- friend, kitten lover and a SPCA volunteer. As always, I found a kitten (this time around, it was Peekaboo) she was fostering for the SPCA. But there was also another cat, Harlequin, who "found" Fox and often came to eat and snuggle. Fox tried to find the owner of the cat. But when Harley was still homeless after a few weeks , she was taken to the SPCA to be cared for and hopefully adopted. Having grown up in a country where cats, dogs, cows and other such animals roam the streets with authority, I wondered why Harley had to be adopted or stay at the SPCA. Couldn't she just be a cat that wandered the neighborhood? Apparently, not. She had to "belong" to a family. She *had* to be a pet.
The same goes for dogs too. It was then that I realized that I had hardly seen a stray animal in the 11 months I have spent here in the US. Fox tells me that I had to look in the right places to find them. Besides, those animals did not want to be seen by humans- either because they once belonged to a family and later were dumped, or had been mistreated by people and were so affected that they feared us. These animals had to be pets (or livestock a la barn cats), because they could not survive on their own. If left to themselves, what happens when they are sick/hurt? They would have no one to take care of them. I have also heard that the "wild" ones would run loose acting out their whims and fancies with no one to regulate them.
My mind kept drifting to the dog that gave birth to her litter underneath the staircase of my aunt's house in Chennai and then I felt I had heard something very similar before. Of the need to "belong" and "not be just a cat"… Oh yes, I know what it is. It's the older generation referring to me! But of course! You had to be part of a family. You *had* to be a pet (or in some cases, livestock too! :P) and belong. You couldn't be just a person, just a woman. I could also see the other parallels… People disliking or being afraid of society: either because they were disowned by it, or because they were taunted by it.
When I told someone that I enjoyed living by myself I was accused of abandoning my responsibilities towards my family! My desire to live alone as an adult is seen as unnatural, and I was branded as "Americanized". Wait… what? Why? "Because in India there is no life living alone. There isn't meaning to your life unless you have someone to live for (or had someone who lived for you). An individual life has no meaning at all." If you are defined by your job, you are a workaholic; if you live alone and go to grad school, you are a student; if you are married, you are a wife (and if you stay at home too, you are a housewife... being the wife of a house is something I find highly amusing!), you're a daughter in law, a mom, a sister (or a son, brother, father, husband- I hear this isn't gender specific!). I always thought these were roles we played in our lives, and who we were was defined by our interests, our passions, our principles and our beliefs.
Another person I have known for a very long time loathes the word "independence", because, to him, it implies defiance of authority.I don't get it. Independence, or as I like to call it (and think is more appropriate, seeing as human society is inherently interdependent) – self reliance (emotional, physical, financial- anyway you see it) is real hard. It is a lot of responsibility- towards yourself and towards society. It's not about not having a boss; it's about not having someone to lead you on. It is not about not having anyone to answer to; it's about being answerable to yourself. My reluctance to go back and "belong" to the structured society also stems from the fear that the freedom of thought and (to some extent) action that I have developed over the past few years will be unceremoniously taken away from me. I live with the elders, I'm always someone's beta, and a Beta is never an Alpha.
I'm not saying I do not like being part of a family. I'm only saying; don't feel sorry for me if I don't. I'm not saying that I don't need people around me. I'm only saying; if there aren't I'm still going to be okay. I'm not saying I don't want to be a pet. I'm only saying; that sometimes I want to be just a cat.
P.S: To all the PJ masters out there, I am speaking metaphorically. I do NOT *actually* want to be a cat.
